Dan texted again late that afternoon. “Heading out now. Be there in twenty?” I stared at the message until the screen went dark. Lillian had seen it too. After a long, loaded silence she just shrugged, and I typed back a reluctant “okay.”
He walked in like the apartment still belonged to him, casual and comfortable. He greeted Lillian with an easy smile and a “hey” that lingered a beat too long, then came straight to me. Before I could stiffen up he leaned in and kissed me, soft and familiar, his hand brushing my waist.
I let it happen for half a second, muscle memory, then pulled back sharply.
“Hey, fuck you, you can’t just do that,” I said.
Dan blinked, amused more than bothered. “Do what?”
“Kiss me like nothing happened. After last night. After you and Lillian—”
Lillian stayed on the couch, pretending to be absorbed in her phone, but I could feel her listening.
Dan sat his bag down on the kitchen table. “Lin told me you saw us.”
Oh, fuck her.
I peered at Lillian. She was staring fiercely at her phone, cheeks flushed, mouth shut.
“She told you?” My voice cracked.
Lillian finally spoke from the living room. “I told him the truth, Mia. Like we said. No lying.”
Et tu, Lin?
Jesus. Apparently my humiliation came with literary references.
I looked over at her. “We agreed on honesty between us.”
I waved both hands at Dan, because apparently he was now a whole category of problem.
“Not this.”
“Yeah.” He sounded so matter-of-fact. “She said you were watching. That you didn’t stop it. Sounded like you were pretty into it, actually.”
He smiled at me, the dense asshole.
My face went hot. Not cute-hot. Not sex-hot. Full stupid-caught-in-a-lie hot..
The rules Lillian and I had made that morning, our pathetic little grown-up pact, already felt meaningless. Adults. Strong women. Emotionally mature, probably.
Sure.
I felt fourteen again, fighting some stupid bathroom-stall war over a guy who had smiled at both of us.
“You think you can just use my best friend right outside my room and then kiss me?” I tried to keep my tone sharp, righteous. “She’s not some toy for you to…”
Lillian made a small sound from the couch, almost a laugh, in protest.
Dan stepped closer, backing me against the kitchen table. “She wasn’t complaining. And you didn’t exactly storm in and stop us.”
Lillian shifted on the couch but said nothing.
I had several excellent arguments ready, apparently none of which knew how to leave my mouth.
Dan’s hand came up to my jaw, tilting my face toward his. His thumb brushed my lower lip.
“You mad at me, Mia?” he asked quietly. “Or are you mad you liked watching?”
Before I could answer he kissed me again, harder this time. I pushed at his chest, but my hands didn’t have any strength behind them. When he pulled back, his eyes were dark.
His hand slid from my jaw to the back of my neck. Not forcing, exactly. Just assuming. Like he had skipped the part where I got a vote.
My knees touched the kitchen floor before I found another argument.
Lillian was still in the living room. I could feel her watching, which made it worse. She had told the boy. That was what it came down to, wasn’t it? We were adults. Strong women. Emotionally mature, probably. And she had told the fucking boy.
Dan looked down at me, waiting.
I hated him for it.
I hated Lillian for being there.
I hated myself most because I opened my mouth.
I barely had time to breathe before he pushed inside, fucking my face with slow, deliberate thrusts. I gagged softly around him, tears pricking my eyes, but I didn’t pull away. The wet sounds filled the kitchen. Lillian’s presence made everything more intense, more humiliating, more wrong.
After a minute he pulled out, breathing hard.
When he pulled me back up, my legs felt unsteady. He turned me toward the table, and this time I did not pretend I misunderstood. My hands found the edge of the table.
I felt him line up and push into me in one smooth stroke. I moaned despite myself as he filled me, deep and familiar. He fucked me hard, one hand gripping my hip, the other tangled in my hair, the table creaking under us with every thrust.
Lillian’s breathing changed behind me.
That was worse than if she had laughed.
Dan’s pace grew rougher. I came hard around him, biting my arm to muffle the sound. He followed soon after, burying himself deep as he finished inside me.
For a long moment the only sound was all three of us catching our breath.
I straightened up slowly, pulling my clothes back into place with shaking hands. My face burned. I couldn’t look at Lillian. I couldn’t look at him.
“Whatever,” I muttered.
I walked to my room and shut the door behind me. The latch clicked, doing fuck-all. It didn’t block out the low murmur of their voices in the kitchen. It didn’t block out the feeling that I had already lost whatever control I thought I had.
I sat on the edge of my bed, heart pounding, listening to their voices blur through the wall.
I had shut the door.
That was all I had done.