Dan was at the apartment more often than not. I started showing up late to meetings or blaming “bad connection” whenever I had to mute myself because I couldn’t keep my voice steady. Lillian’s assignments were piling up unfinished. We blamed cheap wine, bad sleep, brutal workloads. Anything except the obvious problem walking around our apartment without a shirt.
One afternoon I was on my back on the couch, legs wrapped around Dan while he fucked me deep and steady. I was moaning, lost in the rhythm, when Lillian walked in.
She didn’t freeze. Didn’t apologize. She paused, then sat in the armchair across from us and watched without pretending otherwise.
She had decided she belonged here.
Dan kept moving inside me, but his eyes flicked toward Lillian. After a few moments, he slowed, glanced at her, then pulled out.
Lillian slid off the chair and came to me without him needing to say anything. Her hand came up to my throat, gentle at first, then firmer. She watched my face.
“Mia?” she whispered.
I nodded quickly.
“Say it.” She did not look away.
“I’m okay.”
Her fingers tightened. Dan pushed back inside me harder, but Lin kept watching my face, checking every breath and twitch.
That was what broke me.
I came against her hand, body jerking under her while she held me through it. She didn’t let go when the orgasm passed. Her eyes stayed on mine until my breathing slowed.
Dan pulled out again and reached for the lube.
The second his slick fingers pressed against my ass, every muscle in me tightened.
I had never let anyone fuck me there before.
Fear was not useful, so my brain turned it into competition. If this was going to happen, then it had to mean I was giving him something Lillian hadn’t. At least, as far as I knew. A first. Something that could still be mine.
I wanted to tell him. I wanted him to understand that I was giving him something.
I said nothing.
Dan worked one finger into me slowly. The first felt wrong. The second made my breath catch.
Lillian’s hand moved from my throat to the back of my neck, keeping me with her.
Dan pulled my knees higher and looked down at me.
“You good?”
The question sounded almost strange coming from him.
I looked at Lillian, then back at him.
“Keep going.”
He worked me open carefully, adding more lube, taking his time. The stretch burned. I gripped Lillian’s arm harder, and she moved closer until her face was only inches from mine.
When Dan pressed the head of his cock against me, I tightened again.
“Mia,” Lin said quietly.
“I’m okay.”
Dan pushed forward.
By the time he was halfway in, I was gripping Lillian hard enough to leave marks. Under the pain was the ugly satisfaction that this was mine first. I was giving him this, but Lillian was the one I was holding on to.
Dan started moving slowly.
Lillian kept one hand behind my neck and the other against my shoulder. She looked worried, but she didn’t ask Dan to stop. She asked me with her eyes instead.
I squeezed her arm and nodded.
The burn eased enough for other sensations to get through. Every time Dan pushed deeper, my body pulled tight around him. I had imagined my first time there would belong to whoever was doing it.
Instead, I was staring at Lin.
She leaned closer, her forehead almost touching mine.
“Still okay?”
“Yes.”
Dan picked up the pace.
I came again with my nails in Lillian’s arm and my eyes on her, not Dan.
Dan finished soon after, groaning as he came inside me. He stayed buried for a moment, then pulled out gently and headed toward the shower, leaving me folded against Lillian on the couch.
She stayed close, stroking my hair while I tried to remember how legs worked. My ass hurt, my body wouldn’t stop shaking, and Lin was still holding me like I had done something impressive.
“You don’t need to help him, you know,” I muttered, voice hoarse. “I can handle it myself.”
Lillian wiped a strand of hair off my sweaty face.
“No, sweetie,” she said quietly. “I’m not helping him.”
I shut my eyes and let her hold me.